12.15am. Oh, how i dread for tomorrow. Gonna dedicated my whole entire day and night to work. On a positive point, i'm earning 4 extra hours so yup, that is my drive. My solo motivation. 12 long hours. Been so caught up with school and work and countless stress. Popped pills and eyes swells up a little. Oh hell, why is my body allergic to so many drugs. And screw you immune system, you ain't helping. Same to you too weather. It's heating me up. Was thinking of taking up another job but i doubt my body will approve so i just gonna stick with what i holding on right now. It's already enough to drain me inside out. Thoughts running in my mind, round and round. Decided to just do a short post before my hectic schedule starts and before i start neglecting this space which i always did. Haha.
What do you call the feeling you get when you find out something you shouldn't have on your path to letting go? Accidentally chanced upon something i would want to know but hurts so bad when i did. It was devastating. Sharing my sorrows didn't help a bit. Dive too deep and fell too hard. Given and passed the test's, never have thought... never have suspect... never have doubt... never should believe. Refuse to believe all of this. Not even when it's slapped hard across my face. I foolishly chose to believe, chose to trust. Who would have thought everything was a lie? It's so tough to swallow it all. Everything so real, so convincing, so true. How could it all end up the opposite of what it is?
15 more days and really not looking forward to it. With every day pass by, the more i dread. The more it aches. If i have a choice, i'd fly out of town. No doubt. To anywhere. Just not here. Words can't express how i feel right now. It was supposed to be something positive. Something memorable. Something fun and something enjoyable. Mine is indeed memorable. So memorable, it haunts. It fucking haunts. Every year, without fail i would feel extremely depressed and shit. I might be able to avoid it for 364 days but during that day, i give it up to the pain. No way can i forget that. Years passed but it still aches whenever the date is near or when i was reminded by it. No escape. No way out. Stuck right here, every year. Made the same wish every single year, still hoping it will one day come true.
Writer block. Too much emotions pouring, too much emptiness and mind's running wild. I could use a english lesson. Felt my english have degraded. #sorrynotsorry LOL
Nobody deserves to be lied on, cheated on, betrayed on. Nobody.
You have no control over what other's do to you but you are in control of what you do to other's and most importantly, you have control of your own words, actions, happiness and life.
Don't let anybody takes that away from you.
You are in charge of your own story.
With love,
Stephanie
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