Sugar, spice and everything that is not.

When the world crashes down.

Who and where will you run to?

Tonight is one of the many nights that I wish I could just book a flight, grab some comfy clothes , stuff it all in a giant haversack and just disappear for a day or two. Perhaps the whole week maybe? Or perhaps all I need is a tight hug throwing in some nice and comforting words to my ears and pat me to sleep. Or a whole tube of ice cream, all by myself while watching some romantic love drama/movie and cry myself to sleep maybe? Its kinda suck when everything around you is fucked up. And everyone you speaks to, just somehow piss you off. Its just that annoyed feeling you get, irritated by any and every little tiny slightest stuff's/issue's. That is all I feel today. My whole entire day is ruined. Best last sat of year 2012 ever. 

While you're feeling shitty and you've nobody to talk to is probably the worse feeling ever. Yeah, talking about it. I was breathing in and out heavily and clenching my fists together for the entire of today. Trying all means not to blow up and flare at anyone that seems to tickle my temper. Not a easy task. Don't wish to blow up at everyone or even anyone cos well, they don't deserve any of my outburst's. But got really really really pissed when fan just get turn off on purpose while I still need it and inhaling all those smelly damn cigarette smell and just the smell of it is already enough to make me flare up but............... I didn't. 

I am still inhaling them,. Yes, right now. Countless times of inhaling and breathing in all this smoke since young and it never fail to piss me off. This is also why am I so against smokers this much. Because let's face it. Come on! Smoker's are selfish. Damn bloody selfish. I won't say all of them are but most of them is. I can't imagine how bad my lungs are now. Second hand smokers are worse off than those who actually smokes. There is loads of times I get so pissed off by it, I actually thought of trying a stick of cig. I was like : "Fuck lah, smoke again. Happy happy smoke, one stick, two sticks. Before bath smoke. After bath, smoke. Before eat, smoke. After eat, also smoke. Kan, smoke smoke smoke. The one suffering is still me what. Arbo I try smoking lah, since my lungs should be black from all those smoke I have been inhaling for all these years. Smoking very shiok what. Fuck, just smoke" But whenever I see that bloody stick right in front of me, I would crush the fuck out of it and simply slap/kick it away. Unfortunately, practically 80-90% of my friends are smokers. Some are hardcore never smoke a pack a day will die type. Or some is just social smokers. I will laugh when they told me they are just social smokers. I was like : "Social smoker? You think you very zai meh? Or you think by smoking, you will look cool?" And they will come out with all sort of reason's and excuse's and I am like WHATEVER LAH. ALL THOSE BULLSHITS ONLY. Save it when you're dying and tell me all this again lor. So eh, my main point other that i dislike smokers. Is just get the fuck out of my face and sight if ya wanna smoke. Don't poison me with your darling cigarette and your urge of smoking. You already have a place in hell, don't drag me with you. Mean but whatever. This is how much I hate smokers. And I won't hide how much I dislike em.

 You know the feeling where you have so much to say but you said nothing at all. And there you are, typing out your thoughts and feelings only to delete them all away. Or those words you use to describe your feelings just got backspaced because it doesn't sound nice/polite enough and you sat there for a few mins, thinking how to best portray what you actually meant. I used to speak my mind, to say what I think. To say how I feel because I felt being honest is the best policy. But reality thought otherwise. Nobody can really take the fact's. The truth is always hurting or harsh and people can't seems to take that well enough. All they want to hear is nice and sweet lovely words. And I constantly finding nice words to best portray what I meant and seriously, it can get quite tiring at times. I mean, it is what it is. Why must I sugar coat it? Ya know what I mean.

Till date, I still have my own issues. Won't really go into that. But sometimes, I am better left alone.

How I wish I could just disappear just like that, with a snap of a finger.

I am gone. Disappear. Vanish. Yeah.

Just

Like

That.

*snap*

Ending this rather crappy, whining, ranting and emotional post with a smiling photo of your truly in hope tomorrow would be a better day for me and of cos, for everyone else too.

X