Words that are left unspoken, goodbye that are left unexplained.

It all happen when your eyes were set on me, on the dancefloor. Your eyes keep wandering around me. I brush it off, knowing its pretty normal. At least, to me. Whenever I walk in and out of the dancefloor, your eyes keep looking out for me. I knew it. I notice it. I just didn't said it. For I don't know you at all. When some random guy come up and ask me to dance with him, I refuse and you, you just stood there. Standing next to me and not say a word. Dancing behind me. All the way, till you asked for my name. That was when we first chat. Then you got distracted with your females friends and I take the chance to sneak away. 

And buzz, my cell phone start to flash up your name. We start talking, bit by bit. On and off. Slowly. Little by little. We come to realize that, you were in my Facebook friends list. And funny thing is, we both didn't know. And so, we become close. Till you sort of confessed/leak out/hint me that, you're interested in me and that you're serious about me. I too, I did the same. You said you're serious about me and hope to be serious about us. You want a status with me. On my side, I do too but I'm always paranoid and insecure. We end up dragging but both of us were hoping for something we both could look forward to. You keep assuring me that, though we both know each other at a club doesn't means we can't date. You keep urging me to try it out then to regret on something we might become. "Girls play hard to get because guys play hard to keep" Remember I once told you before? You said you're a keeper. You give me that little faith in love. You had me trusting you. Believing in you. 

That night, when you specially come down my train station and send me home. I was touched. Small little actions can show me a lot words can't prove. We had little time together but I am already more than contended. That was the first time, we just sat there and talk. Even though it only for a while, its still something. Never did I know that, that was the very first and last time. 

You went home and you give me a kiss. Its a kiss goodbye. Then you went partying days after. You totally throw me aside. You dumped me aside. Like as if I don't matter at all. I was worried, I wait up for you. But I've to control myself from being the same old paranoid me. I keep my distance. I did not bother you at all. And shortly after, I drift to sleep. Till the next afternoon, you told me honestly that you were dancing with this random girl and she leave a big and painful love bite on your neck. Did you even know how much this hurts? Especially when you asked me to trust you and assure me that nothing will happen. You told me that yourself. I did, I trusted you. Look at what you've done. You abuse my trust. You took it for granted. You then get irritated over me and choose to back off. You want a go and now, you want to stop. And the best thing is, I don't have a say in it. 

I even told you, I don't mind that you party. So long as you know your limit. I just can't stand the though/sight of you holding on to different girls every other night. I mean seriously, who can? I wanna be honest to you. I know I can't tolerate it. But what you reply really upset me. You said you want to party, you like to. And you can't promise me that there won't be something similar like that happen again. Talk about 360 degree changes. Boys always says girls change their mind like how we change clothes. What about boys then? At that point of time, I decided to walk away. Its pretty obvious you just wanna play around and it just happen that, I was one of your toy. But you held me back, you said you love me. You ask me not to go. You said you want me. You ask me to give you a few days to think about what you really want. Me or partying. I never once thought I was just an option to you. But foolishly, I agree. I waited for you. I really did.

And shortly after, you went partying again. This time, without telling me. Without a word, you went. I kept my silence. I've no idea what happen that night. You didn't say a thing and I didn't ask a thing. Whoever you've hooked up on the dancefloor, I don't even know. But that doesn't matter anymore. And as expected you decided to choose partying over me. You said you're sorry. No, you ain't sorry at all. I am. I'm sorry for letting myself going through something I can avoid. I'm sorry for letting myself being so god damn pathetic. I'm sorry for accepting your flaws and letting you taking me for granted. I'm sorry for trusting and believing in you. We were so close, so so so close. You almost had me but you let it slip away. You blew your chance. You lost someone who will love you with all her heart. It's your loss. You've just proved to me why guys are not meant to be trusted. Its nothing but a lie. Everything. All of it. Its nothing but bullshit. Honestly, I respect your decision. God knows what will happen if I decide to fall wholeheartedly head over heels in love with you, with a player like you. I no need a prayer. Lucky enough, I guard my heart and never did once regret doing so. 

And without any explanation, you left. Just like that. Gone. Disappear. 

Surprisingly, I don't feel pain. No heartache. No tears. Nothing at all. 

Maybe I am already numb to this sort of thing, this feeling. Its isn't the first time anyway.

I should have see this coming but why do I still hope for something different?

Being abandoned, being left behind, being taken for granted and all. Come and go.

Its just part and parcel of life, I suppose? 

If I happen to bump into you, .

you will just be any other stranger walking pass my life/path.

Nothing more, nothing less. I'm over you.

I'm sick and tired of the games you play. 

Been crying for too long, I'm drying my eyes. 

This time, I will do it my way. 

Goodbye B, you're history.


May karma find her way towards you and may you rot in hell.