I hate falling sick because that is when I am at my weakest.

If you follow my Twitter or my Facebook, you would have already knew that I am sick. For months, I think. How many months, I don't know. But yes, months. Right before I work for IT Fair, I am already sick but I keep enduring it and till date, I am still enduring. Many of my friends have been nagging at me to see a freakin' doctor but I refuse. I hate going to the doctor. Don't ask me why. I just don't like it. Polyclinic is always having this mad long queue and private clinic are mad expensive. And I hate eating pills. I have eating plenty of them since young. Yup, you got it. I've weak immune systems since young and whenever I fall sick, its kinda torturing for me. So yeah, no doctor for me unless, unless! I've someone to accompany me to and no pills unless, unless I am being forced to or being feed. Yes, I know. Like a small girl right. This is kinda the childish side of me that nobody except my family or my ex boyfriend's get to see. So well, *ahem* 

I'm feeling much better now. Just some sore throat, flu, blocked nose, headache and painful jaw or shit like that. Feels like someone just punched me right at my right jaw. God damn it. Its hurts for days already lah. I keep complaining and whining about it but nobody gives a damn )': Hahahaha! Nah, just kidding. I just hope my fever don't come back and find me. Its sucks seriously. Oh well, I'm really glad that I have a family that cares for me (My Dearest make green bean soup for me and I feel so god damn full when I finish a whole big bowl of it and my Babyboy is bullying me, making fun of me all the time. He's irritating but still, is cute <3 ) and friends around me nagging at me "Drink more water, stop eating so many heaty food, sleep early, stay home, don't go out. Be good and all" I get that everyday, yes. Every single day. Some even want to force me to the doctor but I die die refuse! No, no, no. Hahaha! Where to find such cute naggy thoughtful friends?! Hahahaha, kidding. I love them very much  ♥

And if you follow me on Twitter, you would know I whine a lot. A lot and I am not proud of it. Oh wait, who doesn't whine? Okay, whatever. I whine and I complain so much so I have to create a Private Twitter account to whine about my personal stuffs. Twitter have soon become my diary where I could say/whine/complain everything and anything to but sadly, when judgement come to place, that is when reality comes in. You just can't satisfy everyone, every single one, can you? 

---

Still remember how I got bullied when I was younger. Way back in Pri school I think just because I am.... much much much smaller build than all my friends/cliques. I was bullied so much so starting from Pri 5 (11 years old) and Pri 6 (12 years old), I turn rebellious. Not very rebellious though. Just had enough of those bullshit bullying. I won't go into details how rebellious I am. Just not your typical pri schoolgirl. True enough, nobody dare to bully me, all the way till Secondary school where I am new, I am the junior. A whole new environment, a whole new school, a whole new friends. Everything new. That is when my nightmare begin. Right from the very first day of a new school. The very first day. I can never forget the scene where everyone turn around and stares at me like as if I am a weirdo or something and someone actually say something hurtful out loud, right in my face. I think its something like "wah, kindergarten kid ah? So short sia." I remember myself crying in the toilet after that, crying myself home, crying myself to sleep and crying to my Dearest and plead with her I don't wanna go school anymore. I would rather die then to go school and face all those shits. I even threaten her that I will commit suicide. As expected, she don't agree to this and forced me to go, no matter how much I plead her and all. And I cried myself in the toilet while I bath. Cursing myself, cursing everyone. Crying and crying and crying. Thinking of ways how not to go school. But still.... I went. Pathetic right? And yes, I got bullied again. With all those hurtful insult's and stares I get from everyone. Won't go into details about this either because its far too much to mention but I still remember someone saying "I am so small size that I look like I wasn't even born yet and that I belong inside my mummy tummy and not here. I don't belong. I am a weirdo." Or something like that. As usual, I keep on running on and off to the toilet to cry, what else? What else can I do beside crying? At that time, I don't even dare to stand up for myself. Whenever I get insulted, I just keep quiet and hide somewhere else to cry. And guess what? I actually endure this for like 2 years or something like that. Till I am 14-15 years old I guess. Just one fine day, I decided I had enough. I WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH BULLSHIT ANYMORE. AND BOOM!!! There goes the typical good girl image. Not more nice/quiet girl anymore. 360 degree changes. I become worse than before. This time, I bully people instead of getting bullied. Not actually, I get get back to those who used to bullied me or those who are still bullying me and such. To the extend, even teachers knows about the changes in me and slowly... everyone seems to know who I am. Everyone meaning to say everyone. Students, juniors, seniors, principle, disciple master, disciple mistress, teachers from all department and such. I don't know why either. And I don't wanna know why. Hahahahaha! Really. I recall a teacher telling me this : "When you first come into the school, I thought you are those guai guai nerdy schoolgirl. Never did I know that, you are quite naughty and rebellious. What happen to you?" Okay, seriously. Nobody understands what I am going through at that time. And I have been enduring for so long, for years. Just because I am bloody short/small size. For god sake seriously, is it a sin? To others, yes. It is. I commit a crime for being so bloody short that seems to make people wanna tease me more. For fuck huh, for fuck. Do you like getting insulted all the time? Do you like getting tease all the time? So what if its just a joke? So what if its just for laugh? Do you even think that small little things you said might be a huge impact on someone else? Why not try to use your big dumb brain to think before you speak? 

BECAUSE WORDS KILLS.
YES.
WORDS DOES KILLS. WORDS ARE DEADLY.

Okay, my point is... Being small size just simply sucks. 

And I make out every point on why it does. In numbers points somemore.

1) Most commonly known, I do not have long gorgeous legs. 

2) Most commonly known too, I can't wear maxi dress or any long pretty dress/skirts.

3) Heels is a must though it hurt like a bitch but wearing em can enhance a few height.

4) Can't wear flats because that will your legs look shorter than it already is.

5) Smelling people armpits on public transport. Fuck this, really.

6) Taller people or rather guys can directly see your cleavage from high above.

7) Getting all squeezed and "out of sight" from all your friends.

8) Hard to get clothes/shoes at your size. Really. This! All the time.

9) Can't seems to breath well in crowded place when taller people are squeezing you? :/

10) One normal strength push/hit/punch/slap can effect me 3 times more.

Now can you imagine how hard I get effected when my ex boyf hits me? ):

11) Hard to get a job. Seriously. Maybe it only applies to me cause I look too "young"

I wonder how does this even affect my work performance lah but whatsoever.

12) Getting bullied and tease, all the time.

13) Getting compare to every single one. And that will naturally leads to being insecure.

14) Look too young. People mistook you for underage =.=

15) Nobody believe my age.

16) Nobody will give a damn because I look like a small girl so they don't bother.

17) Younger girls actually look way taller/mature than me by a lot. A lot.

18) Have to raise my head up high whenever I talk to friends. Esp those super tall ones.

19) Always seems like the outcast.

20) I can only envy others and not getting envy.

So there, I crack my brain for those above 20 points on why being small size sucks. Though I whine about it and hope I could grow a little bit taller but still, I am contended with whatever I have now. I mean, one should be contended with whatever he/she had right? Well, I am. I am much happier with whatever I have now. Caring family, awesome friends. What more can I ask for? (⌒▽⌒)☆

Till now, I am still getting teased all the time but I learn that, its just the way I am.
Love me, hate me. 
I am still me :) 

And I shall revel a photo of me awkwardly smiling that my Dearest forced me to.

Yeah, I know. I look shitty. Whatever. I hate my smile. That it. Bye.


And to those hater's/bullies, karma will get you. Karma will get you for sure. 
Lets just wait and see.




I just need someone to accept me for me.


xo